Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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