Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize