we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
