How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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