I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish I could teleport
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
