But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
