i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
