Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
