He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he thought i was a dude.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
