Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love accidental penises.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
