just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
