She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
