i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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