My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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