so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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