Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't turn off my feet"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize