You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
