I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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