ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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I will be naked everywhere
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My life is pants optional.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
