Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
