I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
