It's like a parade of train wrecks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
