No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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