planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
