he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
