I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
