Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize