shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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