Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
