she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
