What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize