Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
