So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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