I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
