shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This baby is an asshole
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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