he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
