I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
