Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
