Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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