You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
