APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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