If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
