he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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