When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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