last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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