I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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