Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
