"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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