you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
