I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
