who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just want to make out with him forever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
