He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
