Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
