that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
