Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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