At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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