the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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