Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
did i just pee glitter
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
