Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
