we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
