i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
