Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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