is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
