God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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