I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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