my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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