***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
