I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
