You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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