you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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