I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
