I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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