hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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