Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
