I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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