Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
