Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
