like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
